Missy | October 31, 2004

Much as I wanted to sleep in this morning, the time change somehow managed to screw me, so I put together my Halloween page. Enjoy.

UPDATE: I wonder what the Matt Yglesias link equivalent of an Instapundit Instalanche is? An Yglesiastorm? Those Halloween pics are like hotcakes, I tells ya. Also, the woman’s name I forgot due to alcohol consumption is Christine (thanks Will), and the detainee is not Matt’s roommate. Kriston, I’m told, was an Abu Ghraib prisoner, which really would have made for a splendid group photo had I stuck around long enough to catch it on film.

UPDATE#2: Tim has many more photos here.

Missy | October 29, 2004

Megan’s got the best endorsement yet for a candidate whom I probably won’t vote for. If you are not already reading Asymmetrical Information regularly, you should be. [UPDATE: Let it be said again that I am not endorsing any candidate. In case anyone from the U.S. Office of Special Counsel might be tuning in.]

Also, that advice from a friend’s grandmother, way at the end of the piece? Nothing in the world could be more true.

Meanwhile, I’ve got my weekend overpacked, mostly with studio time. I may collapse from physical exhaustion or illness (you know how you can feel a cold creeping in even when you’re not yet directly experiencing symptoms?). Good thing I booked a massage at Nusta for Sunday afternoon. And the extra hour of sleep on Saturday is the greatest thing since sliced bread as far as I am concerned.

Happy Halloween! I’ll be sure to take pictures of my and others’ costumes, so check back here on Monday.

Missy | October 28, 2004

I received my first cortisone injection in my foot this morning. It’s quite a peculiar feeling–not so much with the after-effects (though there is some of that weirdness, sort of like novocaine) but the shot itself. Imagine, if you will, having marshmallows squeezed through a tiny needle and then being re-inflated deep within the ball of your foot & nearby toes. It was not as bad as I expected, pain-wise, but it wasn’t pleasant either. I’ve got two more to go in two-week intervals. This should reduce the inflammation in the joint, hopefully to the point where I never have to consider surgery.

Also, my podiatrist rules. (My radiologist, too, because he & his colleagues developed the use of radiology to see neuromas, and they know exactly what they are looking at.) Not just for his credentials, but for the fact that he takes time to pleasantly explain everything and answer questions, and he (and his staff) take an active interest in my dance. Speaking of which, I’ve got rehearsal tonight, class tomorrow, and my callback on Saturday. I’m told that my foot should feel better than it has in a long time, regardless of how much activity I’ve got planned in the next few days. AND, I don’t have to give up high heels, only shoes that squash my feet from the sides. So no pointy shoes.

I recently bought a pair of earth shoes, mostly because I like the style of this particular pair (although my wonderfully weird CYDWOQs are still my favorite) and because I needed some casual shoes for colder weather. Still I wonder, does this make me officially a hippie now?

Non Sequiturian

Missy | October 26, 2004

Listen Missy is not in the business of endorsing candidates (not to mention, the Hatch Act forbids my doing so), and even if I were, I’m sure you wouldn’t care anyway. And even if I were in the business of endorsing candidates AND I didn’t care that you didn’t care, I would have to abstain this time around. Yet caring or not, abstaining or not, I will still find a way to poke my chad come next Tuesday.

Basically all this jibber-jabber is just a lead-in for me to showcase and for you to go and read Jim Henley and to click & read the links therein.

Lane has invited me to go and celebrate freedom tonight at a function aptly titled “Celebration of Freedom”. And I intend to. With some jazz and some libertarian attorneys.

I’m contemplating seeing Bangarra Dance Theatre at the K Center next Friday. They’ve come highly recommended by my dance teacher, and the cheapest tickets are pretty cheap–$14–and even orchestra tix are a bargain $28. Never mind that I’ll be on a train to New York early the next morn. If anyone has such a yen, drop me a line and I can probably be convinced to go.

[Incidentally, yesterday I saw DiG!--a documentary, uh, documenting the "rivalry" between the Brian Jonestown Massacre and the Dandy Warhols--and BJM's Anton Newcombe was at one point described as a shark that has to keep moving to survive. I don't have a case of the crazies like Newcombe, but I can appreciate that analogy, since it feels like if I stop doing stuff, say for more than a day's time, I'll drop. Weird, eh?

UPDATE: This has little to do with anything, but I wanted to mention how slow on the draw I am. I just now put it together that the theme song for Veronica Mars is the Dandy Warhols' "We Used to be Friends".]

Missy | October 22, 2004

On a lark I decided I wanted to go up to New York and see the last weekend (not ’til November 5th) of ABT’s City Center season. Actually, I really wanted to see the William Forsythe piece, workwithinwork. Tickets are still available and a train ticket is easy to come by at last minute, but I nearly fainted when I began to investigate hotels. 2 weeks out, and virtually nothing is available, unless you’re willing to pay well over $300 per night, which I am not. Christ, already.

I am going to see LEVYdance (pictured right) here in town tomorrow, though. Thanks to the notice in the Washington Post weekend section and thanks to the lack of enthusiasm for dance in the DC area, I was able to get a ticket.

Missy | October 21, 2004

Today during my lunch break I went to the toy store in Union Station and bought a Rubik’s Cube. The reason is because I was recently looking for the one I had as a kid–the one that, had I found it, was losing stickers because I kept peeling them off when I could never fully solve the thing (I got it down to 2 squares once). I have this theory that it will be my new thing to do during my commutes. Who does that? Nobody I’ve ever seen.

(I don’t know why I finally threw the thing out–must’ve been when I moved to DC–because I save most everything, including my 6th grade Swatch watch.)

Meanwhile, there’s been a small chess board laying out on the window ledge next to my cubicle for months, so today I set it up and made my first move (d4) to see if anyone would happen by and take me on. Not that I’m any good or anything. Clearly I need more to do with my time.

It’s all fun and games here, you see.

Missy | October 20, 2004

A rather quick update:

The audition went well and I got a callback: it’s not for a bit so I won’t know anything for at least another week & a half. My other performance workshop is in full swing, and so far it involves my going from standing to the floor to standing to the floor roughly 40,000 times in one minute. Both of my feet are in need of amputation, and I’m pretty sure if you cut open the skin on my left leg, you’d see what looks like an exploded tire where my quad & hamstring used to be. (If you are interested in seeing the final performance, email me and let me know so I can give you the info–several workshops are performing, so space will be limited. And the cost is only a measly $5.)

Also, my fabric arrived for the awesomeness that will become my Halloween costume….assuming I can craft something without a ready-made pattern (though I think I will use newpaper as a substitute). I’ll be sure to take photos on the big day.

It’s time for Mihow to return to San Francisco, sadly. She’s been here so long now that it feels like she never moved away in the first place.

That’s about it.

Missy | October 15, 2004

Locals, I hope you are looking out your windows right now, because there is the most bitchin’ cloud cover hovering over DC (click for bigger pic):


Missy | October 13, 2004

I like Wednesdays. Know why? It’s Robert Samuelson and Anne Applebaum day in the WaPo op-ed page! Today she points to an overlooked element of the Duelfer report, while he gets into Census figures that get batted around so much. (He’s not hard enough on the presidential politicians, in my opinion. Being more cynical, I’m quicker to attribute it to their lack of understanding of basic inference. And even if I’m wrong on that point, politicians exploiting the numbers to dubious conclusions about the causes makes me angry.)

Also today: I totally found what I was looking for for my Halloween costume preparations. Well, I think so, in that it involves ordering things online so I won’t know until the materials actually arrive. This will be the first Halloween I’ve participated in in years. (Aside: I just noticed my use of “for for” and “in in”; what’s up with that?) And if you already know what I am talking about with respect to this costume, NO TELLING! It’s going to be a wondrous surprise. Or just a silly one.

Missy | October 11, 2004

Today I went to the National Gallery’s East Wing to check out the Dan Flavin exhibit that is all the rage. Fluorescent lighting in and of itself isn’t all that exciting (indeed, the first part of the exhibit isn’t very exciting) but some of the later pieces have some interesting effects, both on the bare walls around them and on one’s eyes. I’ve got some photos of my day here.

I also picked up a schedule for the fall film series. In addition to Murnau and Godard, they’re showing Nuri Bilge Ceylan’s works (I admit I was only mildly keen on Distant) along with the films by the women of the Makhmalbaf filmmaking dynasty. If you’ve been at all curious about Iranian film, check it out. Included is Stray Dogs, which just screened at Toronto. I plan to see as many as possible.

Missy | October 10, 2004

(Even though this is a dance post, I hope there’s something in here worth reading.)

Recently while watching a jazz dance class prior to my own workshop class, some of my fellow classmates and I were discussing our dislike for jazz dance (this coming from several people–including myself–who’ve been students of the form in the past). There’s something too stylized and at times soulless about it. Sure, there’s an element of crowd-please (see the pyrotechnics of street jazz, the visual appeal of a line of legs a’ kicking ala broadway-style, a sexiness of that which permeates music video, and especially the debonair charm of Fred Astaire and Gene Kelly) but after awhile (and particularly after years of overuse) it becomes rather tiring. (And don’t get me wrong. I like Astaire, et al. And I love Bob Fosse. I mean, if I could do the Cell Block Tango even once in my life I’d die a happy girl. My point is, in lesser hands (er, feet), jazz dance can be pretty boring.)

I bought the special-edition DVD of West Side Story, in my mind the most brilliant musical and musical-turned-film ever made. Bernstein’s complicated & furious score and Sondheim’s alternately tender & frenetic lyrics with Robbins’ idiosyncratic & innovative choreography form a cohesive energy unmatched anywhere in musical theater. One thing I admire about Jerome Robbins is that I think he sought to overcome the conventionality of jazz dance, to give it meaning and more importantly, a real place. Perhaps it was his background in the ballet world (a rigorous and exact art, although rife with storytelling) that gave him freedom to experiment with dance that danced, without being too mimetic, while still conveying mood and plot.

I love this musical so very much, even if it is dated, and the dialogue a little goofy. (Bite me, ghost of Pauline Kael.)

I’ve been watching the behind-the-scenes featurette. I didn’t realize that Natalie Wood was not the only victim of vocal dubbing in the film–pretty much everyone suffered that fate. Naturally, that introduces problems such as 1) syncing issues, and 2) an occasional ill-match of the vocal inflection with the actors’ faces (though the film bests the stage version in a couple of ways–with the marvelous prologue scene and a change-up of some song orderings–”Cool” rightly appears after the knife fight).

Anyway. I know there are at least two biographies on Jerome Robbins in existence, so maybe I should go read one of ‘em.

Oh, and this morning’s rehearsal went well. I’m bruised (physically) and my foot hurts, and I have no idea whether my choreography has any sophistication. But we all start from somewhere. I’m using Bonnie “Prince” Billy’s “Even If Love” (or, “All These Vicious Dogs”, depending on which version you hear). There’s difficulty in using music so downtempo, because you have to fill voids without overpowering the quietness, and using music with vocals is tricky because you have to strike a balance between sight and sound without “acting out” the lyrics. There are two entities intertwined, not battling and not identical. If I didn’t have to worry so much about timing of steps with the music (even though much of the choreography does not follow any sort of set beat), I would have waited until much later in the process to join the two together.

And that’s the only update on that subject you’re getting out of me for now (because, quite frankly, it makes me feel very self-conscious).

On a completely unrelated note: Michael Sicinski makes me want to seek out Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance, one of Park Chan-wook’s previous films prior to the not-as-pants-peeingly-violent-as-I-was-fearing Old Boy (one of my TIFF festival faves and one of Michael’s ambivalences). Go, read. I like how deftly he gets at the meat of a film. Also, I can see why he is an academic, and why I am not.

Missy | October 9, 2004

This afternoon, post-cleaning, I’ve been watching the Brian Wilson “Smile” documentary on Showtime. I gobble up behind-the-the-scenes creative process stuff–usually dance-related, but not always–whenever I can. And believe it or not, this documentary is exactly the creative jump-start I needed and all of a sudden, I had entire dance phrases going through my head, made up of bits & pieces of stuff I’ve been struggling with and some new things, too. I’m so ready to hit the dance studio tomorrow morning (when I’ve got some reserved space) and work it out. My body will be creaky at the early hour, and I’ll be bundled in about 5 layers of tights & sweats trying to not hurt myself, but I’m very excited.

Also, “Good Vibrations” is one of the most perfect pop songs ever. My poor neighbors (and their dogs). They had to listen to me singing the high falsetto parts as I was hopping around dusting my furniture. And I am far from a soprano, let me tell you. One can’t help but sing along with his gorgeous vocal arrangements. Just wait ’til I load “Smile” on my iPod–the neighborhood and metro riders will be singing along with me. Or smacking me.

Missy | October 9, 2004

Things are okay here. An onset of a cold can’t stop me (and I think all the vitamins I’ve been taking have prevented me from feeling like complete ass) and I’ve got a three day weekend chock full of (tentative) activity.

Anyway, I’m rocking out to Jon Spencer’s new–and I might add, very accessible yet still rocking–album, and cleaning (have I ever mentioned how much I like to clean?) I realize that I must stop freaking out and that no amount of thinking right now can possibly make any of my future outcomes digestible at this point in time (even though I’ve all but set up a game-theoretic decision tree in my head, with associated probabilities). So I am living one day at a time, just like I used to when I was younger (and that is not without its own set of shortcomings–see a discussion of such in the paragraph below–but it’s for the best for the immediate-term, in that I have no choice but to reassess things as they happen as opposed to exclusively in advance. No one’s predictive abilities are that keen.)

Yes, things are pretty okay right now. I just had a paper published in my agency’s journal (no link; I like to keep my full identity and work-life seperate from this blog as much as possible–those of you who know me and know where I work can look for it), I’m working on paper #2, and I’ve got an idea for #3, assuming I stick around long enough to write it. But no assumptions at this point. I’ve booked studio time to rehearse a solo for an audition that may or may not go well, but I’m happy with the attempt. Josh and I are on good terms, and that feels really, really, nice. While in Toronto, we agreed to make no assumptions on our “future” (in any sense of the word) and I feel content with that, too. We have an easy relationship when we’re not stressing out over making a long-distance relationship work. I’m not interested in dating anyone, either, and I’m okay with that, too. I don’t wish extra stress in my life right now, not to mention that I’m probably not emotionally ready. [Note to self: "probably"?? You know you are not ready.] The truth is, I think the end of the relationship was a catalyst in my re-focusing. Not because I was left flabbergasted with a “Now what the hell do I do? I must make a reactionary big change!” mindset, (though I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t an element of that immediately following), but because the nature of the relationship itself caused me to be more forward-thinking in general (and that’s a good thing). Serious relationships do that, after all. The last thing I want to have to do is revert back to my “old life”, which is the same job, same weekly routine, with little foresight in or confidence for making healthy changes for longer-term happiness. And so now, the gist of my freaking out is simply a common fear of change and worry over complicated timing (is it ever perfectly uncomplicated, for anyone?)

I do know this: I am not satisfied with stagnation–even if I’ve got plenty of “things to do” in my daily life, and the best I can do for myself is seek out opportunities, and I feel confident in my own non-impulsive judgment that I will make the right decisions as necessary. And if I end up facing a lot of rejection, it won’t stop me from trying. My friend Lane wrote me an email the other day describing the good kind of terror we often face in life (with respect to his new job), and although I’m not sure I replied as much at the time, it inspired me. (Thanks, man. Michele suggested a trip to NYC for a night this weekend, and whether or not such a thing comes to pass, it would have been funny to text you with a, “Guess what? I ran off to New York!” just to freak you out.)

Also, if it sounds like I’m totally speaking the obvious here, remember the old adage, “easier said than done”. Sometimes the obvious needs to first be said to get it out of one’s head (for the sake of mental clarity) before the doing part can commence. Thank you, blog.

Missy | October 6, 2004

I’m not sure it is at all possible to articulate the craziness going on inside my head, but I’m going to try.

For awhile now I have grown increasingly dissatisfied with DC. It could be my job (the job that I’m starting to believe I could do in my sleep); it could be the people (even though there are people here of whom I’m very fond); it could be that I was until recently in a serious relationship with someone who lives in New York (in my mind one of the greatest cities on earth, not that I’ve been to many cities on earth, but my point is that it’s far more interesting and stimulating than boring DC).

So there’s some dissatisfaction. Over the summer I applied for a job (in NYC) that sounded really appealing but that ended up not being filled due to budget issues. So I re-focused on my present situation, still sending out resumes here & there, sort of keeping my options open and hoping for something that is, if not a dream job, a job that will challenge me until I get bored with it in another 5 or 6 years.

But. Now a position has opened within my office that could be a challenge and a change. I’m told I stand with not-too-bad-odds of getting the job. More statistics (my adult-lifelong dream, and I’m only half kidding), but with the caveat of it being supervisory, not so much with the “hands in the dirt” kind of work. So I could absolutely hate it and thus sink deeper into my pit of despair. (Not despair. Melancholia. Er, no. Loneliness & boredom? I’m being overly dramatic here.) Also! I have just started a choreography/performance workshop with Helanius (my teacher) that’s ignited a fire in me that I haven’t seen in a long, long time. And! I saw an audition notice for a local company, and hell if I don’t just try it and see what happens. (I also have to prepare a solo that I was supposed to prepare for another audition this weekend–for a choreographer’s showcase–that I never got around to finishing. Lane, I may be calling upon you sooner rather than later to be my rehearsal mistress and to give me notes.)

Of course none of this is without irony. That job that really appealed to me over the summer? It has been re-opened. In NYC, but also in other locales including locally. Naturally, the opening in my office will have been decided well before I could be put in a position to be offered the other one. (Part of me hopes the condundrum is removed from my hands via my not getting the in-house job). But what if I have dance commitments that would prevent me from moving away (to a city where I would be guaranteed to never perform anything outside of class–we’re talking New York, the land of the professional dancer, after all)? More irony: I have an appointment with a podiatrist this afternoon, thanks to my stupid foot problem I referred to in an earlier post. Let’s hope it ends on a positive note and not along the lines of “you may need surgery” or “stop dancing”.

Why oh why does it seem like I can’t ever win? I’m trying to spin all of this positively, like, “Look at all my opportunities! I am talented enough that I can put myself in these quandratic situations!” Nope. I’m still stressed.

(Also, I just made up the word ‘quandratic’. It reminds me of ‘quadratic’. As in not linear. I am feeling pretty nonlinear these days, that’s for sure.)

Missy | October 1, 2004

What happens when you’ve got some time to kill before yoga class and you stop into the local record store to pick up the new Talib Kweli CD? You find yourself ready to purchase said CD amidst a long line and so you are left to hover in front of the DVDs and you pick up and buy the not cheap John Cassavetes Five Films Criterion Collection, that’s what.

(For a film fan, my DVD collection is pitifully, embarrassingly small. I’m making things right, is all. And yet, it’s a good thing I returned Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and The Five Obstructions and Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter…and Spring to the shelves, lest I run out of disposable income in mere heartbeats.)